18 Days
by piper maru duchovny
Summary: It's been 18 days since I first held you, but to me, it feels just like, like a lifetime. Post Mulder leaving. Season 9.


**18 Days**

**Summary: It's been 18 Days since I first held you, but for me, it feels just like, it feels like a lifetime**

**A/N: You MUST listen to 18 Days by Saving Abel. This is a post Existence, Mulder leaving story. Just consider this AU cause I've missed several season 9 eps (I'm fixing it though. thanks to netflix). **

**Dedication: to Lily, who puts up with me :] and Katy who is drunkkkk**

**Disclaimer: Not mine, dammmit :[**

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Mulder threw his soda can across the desert sand, it skipped, rolled, hit a rock and came to a stop. He wanted to hit something, he was going crazy in the New Mexico heat. He heard the sounds of a motor bike and he knew it was one of the boys. He wanted to be alone, walking around the compound, he rested against the backside of the out building.

Mulder bit his lip until the metallic taste of blood hit his tongue, his eyes filled with tears that he wouldn't allow to fall. He reached into the breast pocket of his shirt, pulling out the picture, William and Dana, his family. Langley had emailed it to him, Mulder couldn't stop the tears from falling, tracing his fingers over the picture, his son reaching for his mother. William was twenty-one days old, it had been eighteen days since Mulder had left his family. Everyday he fought every bone in his body, the magnetic force that was pulling him back to them.

It felt like a lifetime since Mulder had left them, he knew the beginning of William's life was crucial and here he was, missing out on it. Sitting in the middle of the New Mexico desert, wasting his days away, trying to find what he has been searching for since he was twelve years old.

Placing the picture back in his pocket, Mulder jumped to his feet, his jeans covered in dirt, he turned, slamming his fist against the sheet metal. Mulder braced his hands against the building, his chest heaving, fighting the urge to sob. _It was un-fucking-fair._ William needed his father. Mulder needed William. From the moment he had stood in that room, when their fears left, when he held William, he knew -beyond a shadow of a doubt- William was his son.

He pounded his fists against the building, letting out a cry of agony, his heart was broken, torn in two. The quest to find his answers, to find Samantha, and the need, the longing to go back to his family. He missed the sounds of William cooing, the way Scully held his hand, her voice in his ear, the feel of William's whole hand wrapped around one of his fingers.

Mulder was afraid, afraid the desert would affect him, finding his answers would affect him. If he changed, what would stop his son from growing up? What would stop Scully from living her life, falling in love? If he didn't change, if he could just freeze time... if only.

"GRRAAAAAHHHHHH" The strangled yell escaped his throat and he sunk to his knees. The thoughts flooding his head. William growing up without a dad, Scully falling in love with someone else, someone else teaching William to ride his bike and how to play baseball. He couldn't breathe, his chest heaved and he felt lightheaded.

"Mulder." A voice said, "Come inside." One of the men, they were risking their lives for his answers.

"I'm going for a drive." Mulder said when he found his voice.

"Mulder.." The man said again, Mulder stood to his feet.

"I'm going home." Mulder stormed off to one of the trucks. He grabbed the keys from the visor, when he climbed inside, it had been too many days without his family. He turned the ignition over and sped out of the compound, he didn't take the pedal off the floorboard till he reached the nearest town.

Sighing, he popped a u-turn, heading back towards the compound, opening the window. He scanned the radio until he found the nearest rock station, filled with static, he turned it up, trying to tune out his thoughts. Mulder was in too deep, there was no going back. he couldn't go home. Going home would put them in danger, as much as he missed them, as much as it ate him alive, he wouldn't do that. If they got hurt, he wouldn't be able to live with himself. Pounding on the steering wheel, his hand was bruised and one of his knuckles bloody, but he didn't care. He liked the pain, it reminded him this was real.

The guys were waiting for him, he had done this everyday, everyday for the last eighteen. He parked and put the keys away, climbing out of the truck.

"You good now?" One of the men asked. Mulder nodded once and they lead him inside.

"Mulder!' A man from the computer room called.

"What?" Mulder asked.

"Langley for you." He gestured to the computer and Mulder came over, pulling on the head phones, he faced the web camera.

"What's up Langley?" Mulder asked the man, but was confused by the background.

"Man, Mulder, you look like Hell." Langley commented, "Anyways, the guys said, you've been having some issues, well, the boys and I got you a secure connection. The next..." Langley glanced at his watch, "ten minutes are yours."

"What?" Mulder asked, then he realized, they were in Scully's apartment. Langley turned the camera and there sat Scully, William in her lap.

"Mulder?" Scully whispered, her heart breaking.

"Scul...Dana.." Mulder couldn't stop the tears from streaming down his cheeks, "William."

"Willy, wave at Daddy." Scully held the newborn up and waved his arm at the camera. Mulder choked back a sob and touched the screen.

"Hi my boy." Mulder whispered, wiping his tears on his shirt sleeve.

"We miss you." Scully sniffled.

"I miss you both, so much." Mulder touched the screen with his finger tips and Scully mimicked his motions.

"I love you, Mulder." Scully sobbed.

"I love you too. I love you both. More than anything." Mulder said and he wanted nothing more than to take Scully in his arms, kiss her until the tears stopped, hold William, he wanted them.

Scully sobbed, unable to form words. Their lives were so deeply intertwined, that without the other, it was like navigating a foreign forest without a compass.

"Dana... don't cry... I love you. I will come home to you." Mulder whispered, "We'll be a family."

"Just...work hard... cause we need you here." Scully said, her voice barely audible.

The time passed too quickly and soon, Langley was giving them the one minute warning.

"I love you. I love William. I will come home." Mulder promised.

"We love you. So much. We'll be here, waiting." Scully promised and they both touched the screen as it faded to black.

Mulder placed his head in his hands, sobbing.

_Cause it's been too many days_

_Since I first held you_

_But to me it feels just like_

_It feels like a lifetime_

_I'm trying hard to re-arrange_

_But some say it's the hardest thing to do_

_But that's just too many days without you_

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**A/N: Okay this is ridiculously short, but it's nearly 3 am and it's so friggen emotional to write. I hope I did it justice. Leave reviews and let me know. please. **


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